This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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