Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My balls are so social today.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
