The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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