I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
