You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
