u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
