is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
