I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
