I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
