As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
