im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
we're so committed to being not committed
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
