I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
