It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
