You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
