Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
