Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
