im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
