I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
