is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
