You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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