Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
