why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
