I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
