TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
