Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
