I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
