I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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