Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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