if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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