She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
