life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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