my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
