im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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