Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
