they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
