We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
