i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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