I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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