he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
