Non-Jews are for practice
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
