If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
