I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just gift wrapped bread.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
