he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
