I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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