Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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