i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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