Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
