I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
