I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
