He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
